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TMPI: Episode 2 - Disharmony Is Magic (Part 2)

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“Follow me, ponies and non-ponies alike!” Discord called out, idly floating away from the group and completing ignoring the bucket on Celestia’s head, “Your handsome and powerful host, Discord, will tell you about this island and explain the little game you’re all gonna be playing, whether you like it or not.”

“Ah reckon a certain host is gonna be gettin’ a beatin’ in a few moments,” Applejack grumbled, trotting along with her 19 other annoyed or confused participants.

Discord led the group towards the strange upside-down cabins, humming a happy little tune to himself while doing so. Celestia had finally gotten the bucket off her head thanks to Twilight, and was glaring at Discord with each passing moment. Luna was still secretly amused at her sister getting humiliated. Besides the moon princess, the only other participants who seemed to be alright with the current situation were Derpy, Vinyl, and Pinkie. Everyone else looked ready to hurt someone or something, or in the very least try to think of a way to escape as soon as possible.

“I probably could easily just fly out of here, but I can’t leave my friends behind,” Rainbow Dash muttered to herself, “Besides, if it’s a game Discord wants to play, it’s a game he’ll get out of me; there ain’t no way that I’ll lose this time, either!”

“First off, allow me to tell you a little about this island,” Discord explained, laying on top of one of the cabins and putting on his black sunglasses, “This island has been forbidden for many centuries, as I’m sure our lovely little princesses would tell you. A long time ago, an evil unicorn took refuge on this island after being hunted down by those who wished to destroy her, since her powers could easily destroy Equestria. Celestia, you remember this story, right?”

“Oh no…this is THAT island?” Celestia gasped, widening her eyes in shock, “Discord, you fool! This place is forbidden for a REASON, you know! Do you even realize what you’ve done?”

“Ah, so you DO remember…goody, that makes my job so much easier!” Discord gushed, “So, to make a long story short, that evil unicorn was trapped on this island for all eternity, thanks to the powers of our two princesses. To make sure she never used her evil magic to destroy Equestria, Celestia and Luna used their own powers so that any pony who stepped hoof on this island could not use magic, no matter how strong or how weak. It was said that the evil unicorn still haunts this place to this very day, wanting to extract revenge on the very same princesses who imprisoned her here so very long ago.”

“I heard rumors and read that story…but, I didn’t think it was actually true,” Twilight whispered, looking at Luna and Celestia in awe, “Princesses…that really did happen? And that is why we cannot use magic?”

“I’m afraid it is, my dear student,” Celestia muttered, “This place is known as Calamity Island, and it was indeed the place where my sister and I imprisoned that evil unicorn so very long ago. I had totally forgotten about this place…since this is NOT how it’s supposed to look.” She gave a look of obvious distain at the camp-like atmosphere that had been rebuilt over the landscape.

“Well, DUH, Celestia,” Discord scolded, teleporting down and flicking the princess on the nose, “As much as I do so love a creepy atmosphere, it just wouldn’t do. So, I remade this place to my own personal liking, since it works for my game. Plus, I gave it a new name, too. Calamity Island is now called Camp Paradox, and as of this moment, you are all campers! All of you, welcome to Total…Magic…Pony…Island!” In perhaps a way of mocking Trixie, Discord stretched his arms out as fireworks somehow went off behind his back to intensify the importance of what he just said.

“…you CANNOT be serious,” Trixie blinked, staring at Discord in complete shock and slight irritation as she saw her own firework display be used.

“Discord, you scoundrel!” Celestia snapped, “Have you no dignity? You would turn a place like this into a…a…summer camp? This is beyond an outrage!”

“I do NOT do summer camps, especially with dweebs like these!” Gilda yelled, “Take me home, right now, or else I’m flying away! Actually, you know what, I think that’s what I’ll do; later, losers!” Gilda was just about ready to stretch her mighty griffon wings and fly off, since she could care less about anyone there, but Discord knew how to stop her.

“Very well, leave, but you’ll be missing out on your chance at fame and fortune,” the draconequus said cheerfully. As soon as these words were spoken, Gilda froze up and looked back at him. Rainbow Dash, Scootaloo, Trixie, Spike, and Vinyl all also looked very interested at that moment.

“Wait…did you say…fame and fortune?” Trixie asked, raising an eyebrow, “Explain to Trixie what you mean by that.”

“Well, you notice all the cameras that my fellow slave ponies are carrying?” Discord explained, pointing to the camera-ponies that were taping everything that was going on, “As of this moment, all 20 of you are being broadcasted all around Equestria! I have installed handy little devices known as televisions throughout the world so that all ponies and non-ponies may watch you 20 compete on my game show.”

“WHAT?!?!” the entire cast screamed out, naturally being incredibly stunned by this news. Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo eagerly started to wave to the cameras, while more humble and shy contestants like Fluttershy and Cheerilee were trying to hide their faces. As always, Celestia and Twilight were beyond outraged at this information.

“Discord, you are publically humiliating us in front of the entire world?” Celestia cried, “This is by far your worst and LAST mistake that you will ever make! Mark my words, this will not go unpunished.”

“You cannot exploit us for your own personal entertainment!” Twilight added.

“Oh, but I’m afraid I can,” Discord smirked evilly, “You see, Twilight and Celestia, your magic is completely useless while you’re here, so there’s no way for you to get home. Of course, those of you with wings COULD fly away, if you wanted…but, you’d not only be leaving your friends behind, but you would also be missing out on your chance to win…one million bits!”

“ONE MILLION BITS?!?!” the entire cast screamed yet again. Even Celestia was stunned and a bit intrigued by this news. With a loud snicker, Discord snapped his fingers and a large pirate-like treasure chest suddenly appeared before the contestants. It was nearly as large as Celestia herself was, back when she was in her large form and not her new tiny body. The top of the chest opened up and instantly the cast was introduced to the fortune that rested inside. It was indeed one million bits (the equivalent of one million dollars).

“I won’t mince anymore words, so let me just explain what’s going to happen for the next 10 weeks,” Discord explained, “The 20 of you will be split into two teams very shorty. Then, from here on out, both teams will be competing in challenges that I have thought up to test your strength, intelligence, stamina, willpower, speed, and most importantly…your humility. One team will win each challenge and one team will lose, unless otherwise specified. The losing team will then have to vote someone off the island from their own team. That person will be out of the game and be sent off the island. Eventually, we will be down to just one contestant. That contestant will not only win the one million bits, but will be given the title of ‘Ultimate Equestrian Survivor’ and will have the pleasure of being the one and only one to make it through my entire show and outlasting all 19 of the other worthy competitors that I’ve brought here. So, what do you think? Pretty good prizes, eh?”

“I…I can be famous throughout Equestria by defeating everyone here and beating Discord’s game?” Rainbow Dash grinned, trembling with excitement.

“Trixie…Trixie can win one million bits and become a rich snob who everypony will finally look up to and recognize?” Trixie squeaked, already looking on the verge of an excited breakdown.

“This…this is…AWESOME!” Scootaloo cheered, bouncing up and down with her eyes lighting up, “If I can win, I’ll become rich AND famous and everypony will remember me for all eternity! My name will go down as the very first winner of this…this…whatever this show is called! I’ll be a legend!”

“Get in line, shrimp, since the only one who’ll be come a legend here is ME,” Gilda smirked.

“Just think about what we could use that million bits for…” Vinyl sighed dreamily, “I could open up a new snazzy music studio, complete with all the new equipment that’s all the rage these days!”

“I could buy all the diamonds that I could ever want!” Rarity gushed.

“I could buy all the diamonds that Rarity would ever want…and then give them to her!” Spike cheered.

“Ah could finally fix up mah farm and help Granny Smith replace that hip of hers!” Applejack smiled.

“Um…I could…do something to…help all the animals?” Fluttershy squeaked.

“Like, we could become even wealthier and cooler than ever before!” Diamond Tiara smirked.

“I could buy all the different kinds of cupcakes in the world!” Pinkie giggled, “Ooh, or maybe all the different kinds of muffins!”

“You’d save some for me, right?” Derpy demanded, giving Pinkie a toothy grin.

“With all that money…I could really make a big difference in Ponyville and maybe even the world!” Twilight mused, a smile slowly starting to reappear on her face as she thought about all the good she could do if she could win this game.

“Trixie would buy whatever Trixie wanted to get her career back on track after Twilight ruined it!” Trixie laughed, which instantly caused Twilight’s smile to vanish as fast as it had appeared.

“DISCORD!” Celestia screamed.

“SOMEPONY certainly loves using my name,” Discord snickered, winking down in a mock flirty way at the tiny princess, “What is it THIS time, Celestia?”

“Discord…you seriously want us to compete in one of your sick, twisted games just for the sake of amusement?” Celestia demanded, “And you bribe us with promises of grandeur and fame? You could be lying about all this for all we know! I refuse to participate in this mockery of what you call a game!”

“Aw, sis, stop being such a…what was it called…oh, right, a stick-in-the-mud,” Luna sighed, “Discord wouldn’t REALLY try to hurt us; he knows better than to seriously do something to harm the rulers of Equestria. Plus, you know how he is. Why not just have a little fun for once in your life?”

“FUN? Sister, you think this is going to be FUN?” Celestia gasped, completely stunned at what her sister just said.

“Twilight Sparkle taught me about fun,” Luna explained, “Even something that looks bleak and miserable can be turned into fun, if you just try. Even if neither of us win, at least this gives us a chance to experience something new, right?”

“Besides, with the two of you princesses here, the fun is sure to be doubled!” Pinkie giggled, instantly causing Luna to glare at her, for some reason.

“But…but…sister, we have our royal duties!” Celestia protested, “We have very important matters that must be attended to every single day, not to mention we raise the moon and sun every night and morning! We cannot just leave Equestria alone for 10 weeks to play one of Discord’s games!”

“Now, Celestia, don’t you worry your pretty little head about that,” Discord smirked, “Don’t you think I would’ve already taken care of that? I attached some of my special Discord rockets to the moon and sun. They’re set to move the sun and moon up and down at their proper times, so you have no reason to worry about that.”

“How…is that even possible?” Twilight asked.

“I’m the spirit of disharmony, Twilight,” Discord said simply, “I’m pretty sure that should explain things enough. Anyway, Celestia, do you REALLY want to leave? If you do, you’ll be letting down your subjects, not to mention one team will only have nine players and already be at a disadvantage. Would you really be so cruel as to do such a thing?”

Princess Celestia hesitated as Discord put her on the spot. She could tell that everyone was looking at her, wanting to know her answer. On one hoof, she was beyond angry that they would even CONSIDER playing in such a game, knowing who and what Discord was and what he was capable of. On the other hoof, Luna did have a point. Running away from something was cowardly, and leaving Twilight and her friends in Discord’s hands when they couldn’t fly or use magic (save for Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy) would be unfair. She knew that she had no choice.

“But…um…I’m not really…all that experienced when it comes to camps,” Celestia muttered, now just trying to complain about any little thing she could think of to prolong the inevitable, “Plus…I, um, am not much of the sporty type…I don’t get out much, you see.”

“I think you could learn a thing or two from Twilight Sparkle then,” Discord laughed, which resulted in both Twilight and Celestia blushing in embarrassment and the rest of the campers to laugh at the irony of the situation.

“For once, Discord, you’re right,” Celestia sighed, “If my dear student was willing to overcome everything she has thus far just to become a better friend and student, then I’m more than willing to try my hoof at trying to overcome my own ignorance in this…camping thing. So…alright, fine; I’ll stay here.”

“Yes! Thank you, Princess!” Twilight cheered, giving her same-size mentor a big hug, as half of the other contestants did the same thing. Celestia blushed a little upon being embraced so lovingly and openly, since she wasn’t used to such actions, especially at being so small. She weakly tried to hug them all back.

“Gag me,” Gilda muttered, naturally refusing to do anything in the way of affection, “Can we just get started already? The sooner I win this thing the better.”

“Fool! If you think you’re going to beat Trixie, then you’ve got another thing coming!” Trixie said, grinning and narrowing her eyes at the griffon.

“Both of you are just fighting for the silver, since I’M taking home the prize,” Rainbow Dash said, crossing her front forelegs smugly and sticking her tongue out at Gilda and Trixie. Applejack, however, quickly slapped Rainbow Dash on the back of the head.

“Don’t stoop to their level, Dash!” she hissed in her ear, “Remember, we’re friends first and competitors second, got it? Ah know how ya are when it comes to games, so ah don’t want ya gettin’ in over yer head! Don’t ferget what’s REALLY important, ahright?”

“Relax, AJ, I know what I’m doing,” Rainbow Dash muttered, “I’m just getting in the spirit, you know?”

“Now, if there’s no more annoying questions, please follow me as I show you a few important areas of Camp Paradox,” Discord announced, pointing to the cabins behind the campers, “As you can see, there are two different cabins. When you all are broken up into two teams, each team will get a different cabin to live in for the rest of the show, or until they’re voted off.”

“Um…can I have different living arrangements?” Rarity asked, wincing at the sight of the cabins, “I don’t mean to complain, but…these are clearly NOT the living conditions that a lady such as myself deserves. Plus, they are filthy and horribly unfashionable! You can’t expect us to really live in these things!”

“If you don’t like it, you can always sleep outside instead,” Discord smirked, pointing to the nearby forest. Rarity gulped at the thought, and quickly shook her head. “Good, that’s what I thought. Now, if you’ll follow me this way, I’ll show you the confessional.”

Discord floated over towards another part of the campgrounds, the mostly-excited contestants following after him. Rarity was sniffing and whining as she was forced to trot along the dirty ground, so much that it was easily irritating those around her. Spike asked if Rarity would like him to carry her, but Rarity stated that she couldn’t ask something like that of him; no one noticed Spike look very disappointed upon hearing this.

“This, everyone, is the confessional!” Discord announced, floating on top of what seemed to be an ordinary wooden outhouse, no bigger than a regular bathroom stall.

“Uh…no…that’s an outhouse,” Applejack frowned.

“No, Applejack, it’s a CONFESSIONAL BOOTH,” Discord snapped, “Inside is a camera, and…”

“Pervert! You’re filming us while we…UGH!” Rarity cried, putting her nose in the air in disgust, “You have got a lot of nerve!”

“The regular bathrooms are OVER THERE!” Discord snapped, once more getting irritated with the lack of common sense. The spirit of disharmony pointed to a small building nearby that had a picture of a toilet on the top. “Right here is the CONFESSIONAL BOOTH. The reason there’s a camera inside is that this is just a place where you come to talk about anything you want, in private. If you want to vent, if you want to talk strategy, if you want to talk about ANYTHING…you come here to do it. It’s also where you will be doing your voting each time.”

“I am NOT going in THERE to do my venting,” Rarity sniffed, reaching up and patting her mane, “It’s incredibly filthy and degrading. You couldn’t make me go in there for all the diamonds in the world.”

“Perhaps if I went in with you?” Spike ventured. Thankfully, no one heard this comment, since Rarity was hogging the spotlight, as always.

“The viewers will love hearing what you all have to say,” Discord growled through clenched teeth.

“I do not care what the viewers want,” Rarity said coldly, “I’m not using this and that’s final.” Finally at the end of his rope with the prissy unicorn, Discord reached down and snatched Rarity right off the ground. Then, he angrily wrenched open the confessional door and hurled the unicorn right inside.

Rarity: *she lets out a dramatic yelp as she slams into the side of the inside of the confessional, but she instantly picks herself up a moment later and yells at the door* DISCORD! YOU VILLAIN! LAYING YOUR HANDS ON A LADY…YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED! *she takes a look around the confessional, horrified at what she saw; it was indeed an outhouse, with a single toilet and a roll of toilet paper to go with an otherwise dirty little booth* This…this is…DISGUSTING! LET ME OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW! I WILL NOT STAY ANOTHER MINUTE IN THIS…oh, hello! *she finally sees the camera and instantly smiles* So THAT is where the camera is! Well, hello Equestria; this is Rarity speaking. I am going to win this show and become so famous that you all will be wearing my outfits within a half a year.

“Well…that wasn’t so bad,” Rarity smiled, trotting out of the confessional a moment later and looking at the exasperated campers and the annoyed Discord, “What? Can’t a lady change her mind? I really hope that the camera doesn’t add 10 pounds; it would so ruin my image.”

Sweetie Belle: *smiling and rolling her eyes* That was my sister alright…Equestria, I hope you were ready for her as she apparently is ready for you. Oh, and I’m Sweetie Belle! Nice to meet you all!

“So, as Rarity and Sweetie Belle have demonstrated, the confessional is a nice place to go and have a little private chat,” Discord concluded, “Come here whenever you want; the viewers and myself love hearing what you all have to say.”

“YOU’RE listening to what we have to say?” Silver Spoon gasped, but Discord ignored her and floated onwards towards the next destination. After passing by the latrines and hearing some more loud and annoying complaints from Rarity, they came upon the mess hall.

“This is where you will get you daily meals,” Discord smirked.

“…and YOU’LL be making them for us?” Twilight asked, not liking this idea at all.

“Oh, please, like I cook,” Discord frowned, “That’s a girl’s job.”

“Hey, we all take offense to that!” Rainbow Dash snapped, which was true, since every single female looked angered at Discord’s rude assumption.

“Would you rather I try my hand at making something, when the last time I tried I ended up nearly melting the tongue out of someone’s mouth?” Discord explained.

“Er…um…well, who’s our chef then if it ain’t you?” Applejack asked.

“Someone who you all should remember quite well,” Discord smiled, pushing open the mess hall doors, “Go in and say hello to her. Oh, and don’t ask how it’s possible for her to be here…as I said before, I have my ways of doing things that would make your puny brains itch in confusion.”

“This should be good,” Scootaloo whispered to her fellow crusaders. The group of 20 cautiously walked into the mess hall to see who the chef was. At first, the entire room was pitch black and nothing could be seen; Twilight’s voice could be heard moaning when she tried lighting up her horn and failing. Before any of the ponies or non-ponies could question on where the chef was, the lights burst on and flooded the room with light.

There were two long tables aligned vertically down each side of the mess hall, each one having seats for 10 campers. There was a garbage can in each corner of the room that was about as tall as Gilda. In the center of the mess hall, farthest north, was the food counter where a line of camp trays were stacked in a neat pile. Behind the counter, the kitchen could just be seen. The entire place seemed deserted.

“Um…is somepony here?” Sweetie Belle asked to no one in particular.

“Easy, child, for we are not alone,” Zecora whispered, “Another is also here, despite not being shown.”

“HA, VERY GOOD, MY FOOLISH LITTLE SUBJECTS!” a cynical, booming voice yelled out. Almost at once, Celestia and Luna both froze up in terror while the rest of the campers all tried to place the voice. A second later, a large cloud of black energy exploded right in the middle of the mess hall, in front of the 20 campers. The large body that appeared looked similar to Celestia’s normal body, but clearly this was not even close to being Celestia. As the dust cleared and the campers finally laid eyes on who was standing before them, almost all of them gasped in horror.

“Wow, talk about déjà vu!” Derpy giggled, having remembered almost this same thing happening before.

“I-I-It’s…it’s…it’s…” Fluttershy stammered, covering up her eyes and curling up into a tiny ball.

“NIGHTMARE MOON!” Pinkie screamed, “EVERYPONY RUN!” However, just as she tried to run away, the door to the mess hall was slammed shut and Pinkie ended up smashing into it and flattening herself from the painful impact.

“Now, is that any way to welcome back your TRUE princess?” Nightmare Moon smirked, slowly stepping towards the group, “Surely you haven’t gotten used to what you all see as Luna, have you?”

“How…how are you…how is this…but, you’re…ME!” Luna cried, completely confused and very creeped out from basically looking at her evil self.

“If you must know, Discord sneaked into Luna’s room a night ago and sucked my DNA out of her body,” Nightmare Moon grinned down at Luna, “He was then able to give me my own body, which is much better than being forced to be dormant inside this little runt who I was forced to use as my vessel.”

“He…snuck…into…my sister’s room?” Celestia said slowly. Clearly, nearly all the campers looked a bit unnerved by this information.

Gilda: *crossing her arms* Remind me to get a restraining order against that freak.

Trixie: I fear that Trixie is gonna have to make sure her cabin door is locked tightly at night.

Luna: *her left eye twitching abnormally* He…came into my room…and sucked out DNA from my body…

“Um…Nightmare Moon…am I to assume that…you’re our chef?” Twilight gulped, now wishing more than ever that she had, in the very least, the elements of harmony with her.

“Very good, Twilight Sparkle,” Nightmare Moon snickered, staring down at the trembling unicorn, “Indeed, Discord asked me to be the chef for all of you, not to mention his assistant on this little show of his. Naturally, I refused at first, but after he pointed out that he freed me from Luna’s body…AND offered me a cut of the revenue we make from the ratings…I decided to agree. Plus, scaring all of you every day will be so much fun.”

“You’re…not gonna make the world suffer everlasting night, are you?” Cheerilee asked, once more standing in front of her five students in a protective stance. With a leering grin, Nightmare Moon slowly trotted right up to the ground and leaned her head down close to them.

“That’s for me to know and you all to find out,” she whispered.

Derpy: Don’t you just hate it when the evil person does that? It’s SO annoying! *her eyes spin a bit*

“Now I’m not so sure who to fear more…Discord or Nightmare Moon,” Rarity whimpered, “Spike, please come here and lay down so that I may sit.”

“At once, milady,” Spike said, rushing around and once more laying on the floor. Rarity quickly sat down on top of him and continued to shake, while Gilda once more muttered about how lame Spike was.

“Well, this has been great fun, but I think I graced your presence long enough,” Nightmare Moon said, stepping back from the group, “I’ll be looking forward to serving you fools for dinner…oh, I mean, serving you fools SOME dinner. Yes, that’s what I meant.”

“Ah have a stomachache,” Apple Bloom whimpered, shaking behind Applejack and not at all enjoying what Nightmare Moon said.

“Oh, and Celestia? You never looked better,” Nightmare Moon cackled, pointing a hoof down at the tiny princess. As Celestia frowned and was about to yell a counter-insult, Nightmare Moon let out a loud, booming laugh as she once again vanished into a black fog.

“That…seriously happened, right?” Luna gulped, now with both eyes twitching and her body trembling, “Yes…it did…Nightmare Moon is no longer a part of me…that’s a good thing, right?”

“The mess hall door is pretty hard,” Pinkie moaned, having reformed a moment ago from flattening herself and was shaking her head to clear the dizzy feeling, “What just happened? I was too busy being flat and looking up at the ceiling as I laid there all squished like a pancake.”

Twilight Sparkle: *sighing deeply and shaking her head* It’s times like this that make a girl wonder what she really did to deserve this. Discord, Nightmare Moon, the princess, Trixie…ugh, what a mess.

“So, now that you all got to meet my right-hand assistant and chef, it’s time to split you all into two teams of 10!” Discord smirked, having been outside the entire time and was relaxing in his usual invisible hammock while licking an ice cream cone.

“You purposely closed the door so that Pinkie Pie got squashed, didn’t you?” Twilight accused.

“And…we have to be split into two teams now?” Spike cried, “Um…can I please be with Rarity? Oh, and if there’s room, Twilight as well, I guess.” This comment was met with a warm smile from Rarity, but a deep frown from Twilight.

“Sorry, dragon boy, but the teams have already been chosen, and you’ll just have to wait and see who you’re with,” Discord laughed, snapping his fingers and magically creating two platforms on the ground. One of them was orange and one was purple.

“Uh…if we can’t use magic…how come you still can?” Rarity asked.

“Because the island only bars PONIES from using magic, as I said before,” Discord groaned, “I’m not a pony, so my chaotic magic is allowed. Now, are you ready to hear you teams?”

Spike: *crossing his fingers* Please, please, please, please, PLEASE let me be with my Rarity!

Silver Spoon: *nervously adjusting her glasses* I sure hope I’m with Diamond; she and I are very close.

Celestia: This place is FILTHY…oh, right, this is a confessional…um, I hope I’m with my sister and Twilight?

Scootaloo: I want to be with Rainbow Dash so bad! That would be so cool. *she sighs dreamily*

“When I call your name, go and stand on the purple platform,” Discord said, snapping his fingers and having a scroll appear in his hand, “The 10 campers I call will be on the same team, while the 10 left over with be the other team. And if I hear just ONE of you whine, I’m making it rain maple syrup on you; the stickiness will take forever to wash out!”

“You wouldn’t DARE!” Rarity squealed.

“Oh, but I would; just try me, Rarity,” Discord snickered, “Now then…on the first team…Apple Bloom, Cheerilee, Derpy Hooves, Gilda and Pinkie Pie.” The first five campers all walked up onto the purple platform, looking a bit unnerved that they were stuck with Gilda. Apple Bloom huddled close to her teacher, while Derpy and Pinkie stayed close to one another as well, leaving Gilda alienated.

“Then…Rarity, Scootaloo, Trixie, Twilight Sparkle, and…Vinyl Scratch!” Discord grinned, finishing up the names for the first team. Almost immediately after the names were finished, nearly all the campers started to whine, complain, or look very sad. Apple Bloom was separated from her big sister, Cheerilee only had two of her five students, Rarity was without her little sister and Spike, Scootaloo didn’t have Rainbow Dash, and Trixie was with Twilight.

Apple Bloom: *sighing and hanging her head* Ah’m without mah big sis…well, it’s alright, ah can do this.

Gilda: *slapping her forehead* I’m on a team filled with losers…this is beyond pathetic…I’m angry.

Rarity: *angrily* No Spike? No Sweetie Belle? He cannot do this to me! I will not be left alone like this!

Trixie: *glaring at the camera* Trixie is left with Gilda and…Twilight Sparkle…this couldn’t get any worse.

“As for Applejack, Celestia, Diamond Tiara, Fluttershy, Luna, Rainbow Dash, Silver Spoon, Spike, Sweetie Belle, and Zecora…you all will make up the second team!” Discord continued, pointing to the orange platform, “All of you go stand over there.”

Applejack: Hmm…ah’m separated from mah little sister, but…she’s with Twilight, so she’ll be fine.

Celestia: Great, I have to compete against my own dear student…but, I’m with my sister...not that bad.

Rainbow Dash: *posing cool for the camera* I have a wicked team! I can’t wait to kick Gilda’s butt!

Spike: *bawling his eyes out* NOOOOOOO! RARITY, MY LOVE! I CANNOT COMPETE AGAINST YOU!

“Twilight, I hereby call your team…the Magical Misfits!” Discord smirked.

“…couldn’t come up with a better name, could you?” Gilda growled.

“Yes, I easily could’ve, but the point is that I didn’t want to,” Discord snickered, turning to the other team, “As for Celestia’s team…I hereby name YOUR team…the Royal Ruffians!”

“Heck yeah, baby, that’s what I’m talking about!” Rainbow Dash laughed, slapping Applejack on the back, “This is awesome! We got the princesses and Applejack on our team…Twilight, nothing personal, but you and your team will be eating our dust to the finish line.”

“We’ll see about THAT, Rainbow,” Twilight frowned, “Just you wait and see what my team can do; we’re gonna teach you a thing or two about how teamwork’s really done! Um, no offense, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna…I hope you don’t hold this against me.”

“Not at all, Twilight,” Luna smiled, “My sister and I know that this is just a game. Win or lose, we’ll always care for each other and nothing will change.”

“Gag me with a silver spoon,” Discord hacked, pretending to put a finger down his throat.

“Excuse me?” Silver Spoon asked, blinking and frowning over at Discord.

“It’s an expression,” Discord sighed, rubbing his temples and snapping his fingers, “I swear, you ponies and non-ponies are giving me wrinkles! Just look at my beautiful face!” A mirror appeared in his hand and he looked at himself. He looked no different than he always did, but he still started to bemoan the invisible stress marks on his face.

Rarity: *irritated* Can you BELIEVE Discord, acting like a big fool over his face when there was clearly nothing there? I swear, such arrogant and egoistical fools are nothing but eyesores for the rest of us.

“So, Magical Misfits and Royal Ruffians, are you all ready to get to your first challenge?” Discord asked, tossing his mirror away and letting it crash through a window of the mess hall.

“I’M NOT CLEANING THAT UP, DISCORD!” Nightmare Moon’s angry voice rang out through the eatery.

“Don’t worry, she’ll clean it up; she loves me,” Discord whispered to the two teams, all of whom rolled their eyes. A few of them whispered words such as “delusional” as well.

“Um…do we have to…do a challenge so quickly?” Fluttershy squeaked, shyly twirling a hoof along her platform, “Shouldn’t we, um, maybe get to know our team better before we do something together?”

“A wonderful idea, Fluttershy,” Discord agreed, vanishing and reappearing behind the meek Pegasus, “Let’s have a little bonding exercise before we do the first challenge!” He playfully wrapped his arms around the Pegasus and gave her a big hug, which instantly caused her to scream and faint.

“DISCORD!” Celestia yelled.

“Hmm…seems she’s out like a light again…poor thing must not be eating enough food,” Discord mused, gently shaking the limp Fluttershy back and forth in his hands before randomly tossing her towards Applejack. The cowgirl quickly caught the poor Pegasus before laying her down on the platform. She proceeded to stroke the twitching Pegasus’ head and keep her calm, while also trying to softly wake her up. Zecora glared at Discord while the rest of her team tended to Fluttershy.

Zecora: Discord does not know about personal space; it is clear by the smug look smeared upon his face. *she sighs* I hope I am of some use to my team; I kinda wish this was all just a dream.

“So, if it’s a little bonding exercise you all want before I make you do the first challenge, then that’s what we’ll do!” Discord continued, snapping his fingers and having a stopwatch appear in his hand, “Okay, so all of you take off running into the forest until you find a turnabout, and then you come back here. How’s that for a bonding activity?”

“Uh…what’s the catch?” Spike asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh, right, the catch, of course!” Discord chuckled, slapping his forehead as though he had completely forgotten it, “The catch is, you only have five minutes to run there and back. Your ENTIRE team must be back on time. If even ONE pony or non-pony isn’t back by the time my watch stops, then the ENTIRE team must run again as punishment! When all the teammates finally make it back on time, then they’re allowed to stop. How’s that for a catch?”

“That is cruel and unusual punishment!” Trixie protested, “That is no bonding exercise!”

“Sorry, were you saying something?” Discord asked, having teleported some headphones in and was already listening to some head-banging music, “I’m currently listening to a song called ‘I Don’t Care’ by the That’s Too Bad Boys!”

Gilda: *grinning* Sounds like a good band and a good song; think Discord would let me listen to it?

Cheerilee: I wonder if Discord ever went to school…if he did, he certainly didn’t learn any manners!

“Well, if that’s all, then get ready to run!” Discord shouted over his music, holding up the stopwatch, “Oh, and NO flying, for those of you who have wings; you may only use your legs.”

“Fine with me; I can win with or without my wings,” Rainbow Dash smirked, turning around and getting into position as she faced the forest.

“This will be fun,” Gilda added, also getting into position and facing the forest. The two former friends glanced at one another, glared, and then grit their teeth as they prepared for the race.

“Oh, and to add some incentive to the race, I’ll make you an offer you can’t refuse,” Discord yelled out, now randomly flipping through some songs on his little radio that his headphones were plugged into, “The team that makes it back first with all their teammates will win a free hot tub for their cabin! The losing team will win a box of my toe clippings. How does that sound?”

“Both revolting and exciting at the same time,” Rarity sniffed, “I will make sure that our team comes in first place then; a hot tub will be perfect to make sure I get clean after each and every challenge that I’m force to get my beautiful body dirty in.”

“Could I join you, Rarity?” Spike called out, which instantly got him slapped in the back of the head by Applejack and laughed at by the rest of his teammates, save for Celestia.

Spike: *rubbing his head* What? It’s a well-known fact that hot tubs are even hotter when a handsome guy is there to spend time with the girl! It’s true, I swear!

“Okay…on your marks…get set…five minutes set…go!” Discord called out, rather lazily, as he laid back in his invisible hammock and closed his eyes. The 20 campers all took off into the forest almost at once, while Discord seemingly didn’t even notice. He kept his hand on his stopwatch, however, as it started to tick down from five minutes. He smirked to himself, since he knew that this wouldn’t be much of a bonding exercise as it would be more of a fighting one.

Celestia: I suppose this is a bad time to mention this, but…I’m not exactly much of a runner…or really much of the sporty type. I don’t really get out much…and when I do, I usually have my chariot take me.

Diamond Tiara: Like, running is SUCH a chore; it’s so totally stupid! What’s the point of getting all sweaty and dirty when it does nothing for your body except, like, get you all tired and stuff? Seriously!

The race started off as a mixed bag of results. Rainbow Dash and Gilda, even without their wings, easily charged ahead of the packs and were gone before either of their teams knew what happened. Applejack, of course, was also pouring her heart into the race and was trying to catch up with Rainbow Dash. Her little sister, Apple Bloom, had the family’s hard-working blood in her and was also running quite well; Scootaloo was used to using her scooter, but she proved that she was also a tough little filly as she kept pace with her fellow crusader.

Pinkie Pie was bouncing along merrily, not going really fast, but not going really slow, either. Spike was moderately fast while running on two legs, although he secretly wanted Rarity’s team to win, since he felt she deserved the hot tub more than he did. Cheerilee was running quite well for a school teacher, and had soon caught up to Apple Bloom and Scootaloo. Derpy accidentally tripped over a rock and ran into a tree, but otherwise she was doing very well, too. Zecora wasn’t much for exercise, but the zebra was shocking most others by running just as fast as Applejack.

“How…in the world…are ya managin’ to keep up with me?” Applejack gasped, racing along the forest path while glancing at Zecora next to her.

“You earth ponies are not the only ones with strong bodies,” Zecora smiled over at Applejack, “Back in my home lands, running around was one of my hobbies.”

“Well, ah’ll be danged…impressive, Zecora,” Applejack smiled, giving her zebra teammate a nod before continuing to charge forward.

Applejack: Ah never would’ve imagined Zecora as the athlete type; ah thought she was just a scary shaman gal from the Everfree Forest who concocted weird potions and stuff like that all day long.

However, while half of the campers were comfortably cruising with their running, the other half was struggling to keep up. Rarity was proving that she wasn’t used to running at all, and she kept stopping to avoid mud puddles on the ground. Twilight was trotting at a normal pace, as she had done during the running of the leaves, and she had calculated that she would make it on time if she kept this up. Vinyl was purposely not going that fast so that she could chat with Twilight along the path, much to the purple unicorn’s embarrassment. Neither of them knew that Trixie was secretly running along behind them to see if she could dig up any dirt on either of the unicorns.

“So, Twilight, when we get back home, there’s this new song I wrote that I really want you to try!” Vinyl was saying, grinning over at the lavender pony, “It’s kinda dark, but I know that your pretty voice will be perfect for it, ya feel me? I really love your voice and I really want to showcase your talents as much as I can; you’re so amazing, Twi.”

“Vinyl, please, we have a race going on here,” Twilight protested, clearly blushing from getting so much attention, especially since it involved her voice, “I’m honored, really, but…”

“I can see it all now,” Vinyl sighed dreamily, “You and I all alone in my studio…the lights dimmed…the music gently blaring out over the speakers…me on the recording table…and you singing with your beautiful voice to the lyrics of my song…man, wouldn’t that just be…groovy?”

“That…would be…something…” Twilight squeaked, an even deeper blush bursting out over her face. While Vinyl continued to make Twilight uncomfortable with her visions, Trixie couldn’t help but snicker in amusement from behind.

Trixie: Oh, perfect, Trixie has gotten a good clue on how to take down that insidious Twilight! She is very proud of her talents and loves it when others brag her up…so, all Trixie has to do is use that against her!

On the Royal Ruffians’ side, the stragglers consisted of Celestia, Diamond Tiara, Fluttershy, Luna, Silver Spoon, and Sweetie Belle. Sweetie Belle had gotten a bit better at exercise since becoming the Cutie Mark Crusaders, but she was still slightly chubby and not at all an athlete. Diamond Tiara was constantly complaining about everything, mostly to Silver Spoon, and was dreadful at running; Silver Spoon herself nearly kept knocking her glasses off while she ran. Fluttershy was almost like Twilight, trotting along at her own pace, and stopping now and then to look at the wildlife. Luna was new at doing such a weird jogging exercise, but she was nothing compared to her sister.

“Sister…Luna…please…slow…down!” Celestia was gasping, already sweating profusely and struggling to pull herself along.

“Celestia, sister, you already asked me to slow down four times already!” Luna sighed. The moon princess hadn’t broken a single sweat yet.

“This…is…torture!” Celestia moaned, now basically just dragging herself along, “My…legs…are…killing me! How…does…Twilight…and her friends…do this every day?”

“Maybe if you didn’t fly and ride your chariot everywhere, you’d be in better shape,” Luna teased.

“Keep…it up…and I’ll send you…on a one-way trip…right back to the moon!” Celestia grumbled, clearly humiliated at being so out of shape. Luna just giggled, knowing (or rather hoping) that her sister wouldn’t really punish her like that again. Together, the moon princess and the wheezing sun princess kept moving as best as they could.

Luna: Seeing my sister eat some…what was the term…oh, right, some ‘humble pie’ is actually very fitting. I know that there’s a lot of folks out there who consider her…what was it…a troll? *she giggles at that*

At the turnabout, Rainbow Dash and Gilda both easily cleared it and began the track back to camp. Both girls were neck-and-neck with each other, and couldn’t help but glare at one another with each passing moment. Both of them wanted to beat the other so bad, even though them winning the race wouldn’t really matter. Applejack and Zecora both turned the turnabout a moment later, keeping pace with their leader Rainbow Dash, and making up for the terrible running of Diamond Tiara and Celestia. However, as a group, it seemed that the Magical Misfits might be performing better.

“You ain’t beating me, Dash!” Gilda snapped, throwing out a punch at Rainbow Dash as she tried to knock the Pegasus off-course.

“Stop cheating, Gilda, and play fair!” Rainbow Dash growled, dodging Gilda’s attack and forcing herself to not use the same dirty tactics. Ignoring Rainbow Dash, Gilda continued to try and kick, trip, or even use her wing to hit her former friend and give herself an edge (Discord never said she couldn’t use her wings as weapons). But, Rainbow Dash kept dodging everything Gilda threw at her, and it only fueled her anger and made her push on harder.

Rainbow Dash: Darn that Gilda! What is her DEAL? Me and her used to be so tight…and now, all she cares about is humiliating me…it’s kinda sad, you know? But, regardless, she’s going down.

Discord was waiting back at camp, still with his eyes closed and seemingly asleep after listening to more horrible music. However, as Rainbow Dash and Gilda both made it back at the same time, the spirit of disharmony immediately sat up and opened his eyes. With a grin, he snapped his fingers and his headphones and radio both vanished. He looked down at his stopwatch and gave a nod to the two rivals.

“Three minutes and twenty-two seconds for both of you!” he said, “Well done, but can both of your teams deliver as well?” Rainbow Dash and Gilda gasped softly, catching their breath, and then went back to glaring at each other while also watching the forest closely to see who would be coming out next. Only ten seconds later, Applejack and Zecora both emerged for the Royal Ruffians, giving them three out of ten teammates back in time.

“C’mon, you losers, c’mon!” Gilda growled, clenching her fists as she glared at the forest entrance, “Get your stupid flanks back here…I’m not losing a race to Dash because you losers can’t run!”

“Nice team spirit, Gilda,” Rainbow Dash muttered, shaking her head in disgust. Another ten seconds passed, and Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Cheerilee all stumbled out of the forest, gasping for breath. This put the Magical Misfits back into the lead with four teammates.

“Did…we…make it?” Scootaloo moaned, wiping some sweat off her forehead, “Oh…Rainbow Dash!” She quickly forgot about her tiredness and instantly raced over to the colorful Pegasus.

“No fraternizing with the enemy, squirt!” Gilda snapped, pointing at Scootaloo.

“But…it’s Rainbow Dash…she’s my idol and I always love seeing her,” Scootaloo protested, “It’s just a game, after all…I’ll always love her…er, I mean…she’ll always be my idol, even if I’m competing against her. What’s wrong with that?”

“Because in this game, it’s not all about friends and hugs and all that nonsense!” Gilda growled, “In this game, it’s about winning and proving who the better team is! If you go around being nicey-nice to the other team, you’re proving how weak you are!”

“Gilda, that is not true,” Cheerilee said, coming to Scootaloo’s defense, “She is just being a little sweetheart, and there is nothing wrong with that. Even rival teams can still be nice to each other.”

“Whatever, weakling,” Gilda mumbled, turning away from Cheerilee and watching the forest again.

Cheerilee: *sighing and shaking her head* That Gilda…she’s so misguided…and fueled from what happened with Rainbow Dash. I wonder if Twilight might be able to help her see the light?

“Nice race, little sis!” Applejack called over to Apple Bloom, since she knew no one on HER team would get after her for being nice to her opponents, “Ah’m mighty proud of ya for comin’ in right behind me.”

“Thanks, AJ! I love you, sister!” Apple Bloom called back. Gilda was just about ready to yell at the little filly for that, but thankfully she didn’t get the chance. Pinkie Pie somehow bounced out a moment later, followed by Derpy Hooves, although not in the prettiest of ways. Derpy ended up running straight into Pinkie’s butt, resulting in Pinkie face-planting into the ground and Derpy’s face getting smushed into Pinkie’s squishy rump.

“Four minutes, five seconds, so you both made it!” Discord yelled out, laughing at the sight, “Nice finish, by the way.”

“What hit me?” Pinkie asked, lifting her head up and turning around, “Oh, Derpy! Why are you using my tushy as your pillow?”

“I think the ground tripped me and your tushy caught my face before it could get hurt!” Derpy cried, lifting her face up a moment later and smiling, “Thanks, Pinkie! And thank you to your tush, too!”

“You’re very welcome! Oh, and my tushy says ‘you’re welcome’, too!” Pinkie giggled, wiggling her rump back at the derp-eyed Pegasus.

“I think I’m gonna hurl,” Gilda sighed, “But, at least that’s two more for us; just four more and we win this race, baby! C’mon, you losers…c’mon!”

A few more seconds passed and nothing happened, which worried some of the campers who were already back, since they didn’t really want to run again. However, after about 30 seconds, a mad rush of ponies was seen stampeding towards the finish line as fast as they could. The campers that were already back quickly scrambled aside just before the large collision took place, resulting in a pileup of six ponies and a dragon.

“Four minutes, thirty-five seconds, so you all make it back in time, too!” Discord called out, once more laughing his head off as he watched the twitching pile of ponies and Spike try to untangle themselves, “Let’s see…I see Rarity, Twilight, and Vinyl…Fluttershy, Sweetie Belle, Luna and Spike. That gives nine campers back for the Misfits and seven for the Ruffians. But, there’s only 25 seconds left…will some team win? Or will they ALL have to race again?”

“DAMMIT, WHERE IS THAT STUPID BLUE UNICORN?” Gilda roared, “I AM NOT LOSING THANKS TO HER!”

“Ugh…Trixie? She’s not here?” Twilight blinked, pulling herself out of the pile and noticing that Trixie indeed was the only one not yet back, “Uh-oh…Trixie, come ON…seriously?”

“That ignorant little unicorn hasn’t shown her flank yet?” Rarity gasped, angrily starting to dust herself off as she removed herself from the pile, “And here I tried my hardest to get here to avoid making you all race again…ooh, that little unicorn is DEAD!”

“Um…Twilight, dude?” Vinyl grinned, “You’re…kinda sitting on me.” Indeed, after Twilight pulled herself out of the pile, she had sat upon Vinyl without even realizing. With a squeak and another blush of embarrassment, Twilight quickly leaped off the unicorn and muttered an instant apology. Vinyl, however, simply continued to grin as she got up, clearly not minding what happened at all.

“Sweetie Belle, good job on making it back!” Rarity called over to her sister, “Now your team cannot possibly blame you after they lose this race!”

“Getting’ a little mouthy, aren’t ya, Rarity?” Applejack grinned, playfully winking over at the unicorn, “This race ain’t over yet…just wait and see; Princess Celestia isn’t even here yet, ya know.”

“Um…about my sister…I fear that we might have to race again,” Luna said meekly. Almost at once, the rest of the team looked at her in shock.

“W-w-what do you mean by that?” Rainbow Dash gulped, “I-I-Isn’t she gonna be here? She’s the princess, right? She can’t possibly lose this for us!”

“Well…” Luna began, but didn’t get another word out as one more person was seen trotting out of the forest. She was blue and she was wearing a magician’s hat and a cape.

“And Trixie makes it back with twelve seconds to spare!” Discord yelled out, “The Magical Misfits win the race AND a nice hot tub that they may use from now until the end of the show!”

“YES! NOW THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!” Gilda laughed, instantly flashing Rainbow Dash a leering smile while the rest of the team celebrated their first victory. Rainbow Dash scowled and crossed her front forelegs across her chest, clearly not happy about losing to Gilda on the very first challenge, or rather mini-challenge, of the show.

“Trixie…what kept you?” Twilight asked, looking suspicious as she observed the smirking mare, “I know that you’re a good runner…we all saw you running away from Ponyville a while back.”

“Oh…Trixie was just…deciding to be fashionably late,” Trixie said calmly, continuing to smirk at Twilight, “You didn’t REALLY think that Trixie would lose this for us, did you?”

“For a second there, I did,” Gilda frowned, “And the second that you would’ve, your face would’ve been my new punching bag.”

Trixie: *rolling her eyes* Trixie was not lying when she said she was being fashionably late, because she was! But…she was also plotting things against Twilight Sparkle at the same time, too. *she smirks*

“Five…four…three…two…one…time’s up!” Discord smirked, “Ooh, too bad, it looks like the Royal Ruffians are missing three of their players!”

“I hope Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are alright,” Cheerilee said, worried upon not seeing two of her students back. She knew that they weren’t the most athletic types, and that made her worry even more.

“Your box of Discord’s amazing toenail clippings will be waiting in your cabin when you all get back from your SECOND run, Royal Ruffians,” Discord cackled, “But, until then, get going! Oh, and if you see Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon, and Princess Celestia, tell them that they still have to complete BOTH laps before they’re allowed to quit.”

“Discord…you evil, good-for-nothing, horrible…OOH I CAN’T STAND YOU!” Rainbow Dash growled, but just grit her teeth and took off her second run. Applejack gave Discord a dirty look, then followed right after Rainbow Dash. Fluttershy was currently sniffing at some butterflies nearby, but after hearing what Discord said, she sighed softly and started to trot again. Luna grumbled and muttered something about punishing her sister for this as she took off for her second run, too. Spike blew Rarity a kiss (which she failed to notice) and took off running as well. Sweetie Belle whimpered and started to weakly trot after the others, while Zecora took off again without a single word to anyone.

Zecora: That which does not kill you can only make you stronger, but continuing to run won’t make my teammates last that much longer. *she shakes her head, then puts her hooves together and meditates*

“Magical Misfits, your hot tub will be ready for you after the challenge this evening,” Discord explained, “Win or lose, it’ll still be there when you get back. For now, you all can rest while the Royal Ruffians complete their second lap. But, be warned, the challenge will happen as soon as they all get back. This was just a warm-up; don’t think you’re out of the woods just yet!”

“But…we ARE out of the woods!” Pinkie protested, “See? The woods are over there, and we’re over here! So, we’re out of the woods and on the campgrounds!” Discord stared at Pinkie for a long time, then snapped his fingers and pulled out a hammer, which he used to start hitting himself over the head with.

Pinkie Pie: *tilting her head cutely* Why was Discord hitting himself with a hammer? I did that once because my brain was itchy, but I wouldn’t recommend it. I’m kinda hungry; do we get cupcakes?

During the Royal Ruffians’ second lap (which Discord decided to not time), they found Celestia, Diamond Tiara, and Silver Spoon. All three girls were gasping and lying stretched out on the ground, barely even halfway done with the first lap. Thankfully, since Trixie and Gilda were on the opposite team, there wasn’t really anyone on the Ruffians who was gonna be mean about it. However, some of them couldn’t help giggling at how pathetic Celestia looked; their princess wasn’t all she was cracked up to be.

“Hey, sis, need a hoof?” Luna asked, trotting over to her sister and smiling innocently down at her. Slowly, Princess Celestia got to her hooves, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon twitching on her back, and she looked at Luna with pleading eyes.

“It…cannot…get…any…worse…than…this!” she moaned.

“Well…you kinda have to do TWO laps now…so…there’s that,” Luna explained.

“Well…then it CANNOT get any worse than THAT!” Celestia cried, now at wit’s end.


An hour later, the Magical Misfits and the Royal Ruffians were both standing on top of a thousand-foot cliff. Below the cliff was a large, deep lake, which was filled with hungry, pony-eating sharks.

“Me and my big mouth,” Celestia whimpered, slowly hanging her head.
Part 2 of the first episode of Total Magic Pony Island.

Special thanks to the guy with very bad opinions :iconshadow0knight: for making the title picture: shadow0knight.deviantart.com/a…
© 2014 - 2024 Chimcharlover13
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